Why Do Women Cheat?

Source: Petr Kratochvil
Source: Petr Kratochvil

Why do women cheat, and what is it they’re contemplating when they enter into that situation? Were they even thinking at all? This is a question most people ask, and no one asks it more than the partner they have/had when cheating happened.

Men have tried to comprehend what drives women to cheat. Are they pushed this way and pulled that way, or do they naturally gravitate to the temptation as they find it? Or does it find them too? What tempts, even provokes, a woman to cheat? Is it the provocation which leads to pain and anger first or the temptation which results in cheating at last? Hell hath no fury, it turns out, than a woman slighted, provoked, and stretched to her final limits.

So what are the signs which warn you about a woman misbehaving? Should the man in you start seeing more women, or should you start seeing women more? If there are women in movies you ought to see, then let them be Diane Lane in Unfaithful, or Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman in Closer. They should be a warning enough of women who cheat on partners they have.

For starters, women are naturally reactive, so it’s quite uncharacteristic for them to be indifferent about an issue. In general, cold indifference along with being too quiet and too amicable despite the circumstances should make any man squirm as though he’s been forewarned! If you’re in that position, where do you go from there? Have you paused and considered that somewhere along the way, you might have stopped being a friend and a partner, and turned into her worst critic and enemy?

The world of cheating

In a world of rampant cheating, where does a woman stand? Experts have given their piece, saying women don’t take this sitting down and “tend to think longer and harder about the situation.” And according to the Cannon-Bard Theory, “People feel emotions first and then act upon them.” Stats, however, show that women tend to misbehave too. Unofficial estimates claim that “14%-40% of married women have intimately tangoed with someone other than their husbands.” Database ratings of an unofficial but related poll also reveal that “Of the more than 9,400 women who responded, 49% said they had” in fact, cheated on their men.

The opportunities to cheat are everywhere. Cheats are in the latest video games. They’re in freshly-uploaded images which can be “photoshopped” to perfection. Even in relationships, female cheating is nothing new and some women have no qualms playing the field like men do. Unfortunately, cheating has become so commonplace that it’s somehow been regarded as a tolerable form of behavior, and all for the wrong reasons. It’s a world wherein cheating’s been openly accepted and love seemingly overrated. So, why do women cheat?

1. Out of quiet indecision

By nature, women tend to vacillate emotionally and can’t quite make up their mind whether to stay or go. Unable to validate their feelings, they introspect and circle around “that something is missing” from their lives. Deep inside, women haven’t honored who they really are and what they really want. What women want is for their spouse to love, notice, and appreciate them. They need to be reassured that their presence is important and that simply being there IS enough.

They also want to be pampered and surprised on occasion. That’s the variety which women of the right mind seek – not necessarily the variety of different partners but the variety of venues, positions, and styles all with the same guy.Thus, every now and then, it helps when a man recognizes that it’s his turn to insert an element of surprise into the relationship. If it’s true that men miss out on the thrill of the hunt, then it’s highly possible too that women miss the thrill of the chase. That’s love after all. Crazy, Stupid, Love…

Most, of all, they want their partner to be loyal and faithful. This is the most decisive part, we guess. Cross that line and you’ve breached a border which truly hurts and permeates, heart and soul. It’s all about love, trust, and respect, the very same things men and women want from each other. In addition, the problem’s also that most men haven’t yet decided just how close they’d want their women to get. Some men are afraid of commitment. Most are protective of their “me time”. Some are raring for constant closeness, while others are uncomfortable with intimacy other than sex.

2. Out of real passion

Ideally, in a genuine, loving relationship, men and women truly connect in terms of fire and passion. They’re like two peas in a pod, created for mating, designed for spooning and playing hookie on lazy days and idle moments shared. In touch with the issue, AskMen suggests: “It’s not just sex that makes women feel connected in a relationship; it’s touching, kissing, cuddling, and communicating. Women crave it, and she could seek it elsewhere if she’s not getting it at home.”

Source: Vera Kratochvil
Source: Vera Kratochvil

Since her connections are usually stronger at home, it is in a woman’s nature to care and nurture. She develops strong attachments to those whom she bears love and affection. Child-bearing, mothering and nurturing, however, usually don’t take out the passion from women – although from what we hear, somehow, it appears to be so. Apparently, most couples have forgotten to keep the spark alive! Because women too are such passionate creatures, it’s possible for them to fall head-over-heels in love with another man other than their partner. This usually happens when she can’t have from him, the spouse, what she can have from someone else, this being something temporary but real.

Ironically, it may not even be the need to be loved which makes a woman fall and fall hard for another man. It may be more of a passion to be wanted and needed. Thus, sometimes, it isn’t even a question of being or not being in love with your spouse anymore, but rather the reality of remembering the feeling of being in love through the charming ways of a complete stranger.

For a woman, love is a shared experience built on easy, spontaneous CLOSENESS, even if it’s not always, just most of the time. It’s the SPONTANEITY of this closeness which women miss, and thus, long for. It’s this same flattering behavior which makes them click with men who effortlessly act spontaneous. When rapport is good and attraction locks in, it progresses from careless flirting to outright cheating. Yet, when fear and indecision naturally set in, there goes a girl, bowing out from a tryst or exiting from an affair. Right there and then, she slams on the brakes and sort of chickens out.

3. Out of sheer loneliness

Even with the presence of a so-called partner, it is possible for any girl to be lonely in the relationship. Marriage and family therapists like Dr. Winifred Reilly of Berkeley have been told, “I was lonely, not connected, I don’t feel close to my partner, and I was taken for granted.” This was backed by biological anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, who agrees by saying, “Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness.”

Clueless about how they can literally be adored, men forget to keep their women happy and busy. Why? He himself might be a predator on the prowl for an easy catch, and she herself might be learning to explore alien territory. In the long run, from the things he will and can do with her, it becomes the things he won’t do for her.

4. Out of dwindling self-esteem

Suffering from rejection and loneliness, a woman’s self-esteem further dwindles. With the everyday drudgery of life, like jobs to be done, bills to be paid, and kids to be car-pooled, she loses the desire to be more expressive. With no time to linger and communicate, emotions and connections are breaking down. Love doctor Terri Orbuch verbalizes this concern by saying, “If there’s a failure to communicate – which is so reinforcing to women in terms of intimacy, emotional satisfaction and relationship satisfaction – then women look outside the relationship for that kind of connection.”

Since her self-esteem is at its most vulnerable, she may succumb to the guiltless pleasures of an overnight fling. Like it or not, it’s an added boost. From a shaky relationship wherein she could get dumped or a boring one which is down-in-the-dumps, someone suddenly finds her sexy and interesting! This allows her, even for a fleeting moment, to recapture a time when she used to be the center of his universe. Everyone else used to be no competition at all, back when she may have been young, smart, witty, and confident. That’s when even a good girl resorts to something beneath her, and that’s cheating on the man she has.

5. Out of plain and simple revenge

No longer spitting fire at a wayward hubby and literally sucking up to someone else, a woman starts keeping secrets. Women like secrets and they love a good story. It’s easy to identify with feminine romance that’s ill-fated and melodramatic. But the part they love most is when a woman fights back, gives him a bitter “taste of his own medicine”, and exacts her own revenge!

There’s also revenge in smiling to herself, knowing she’s had her fun and they’re titillating too. Clandestine as an affair is, it’s an exciting liaison with no names, no details, and no commitments. After all, she has a partner whom she hasn’t left or broken up with – yet.
Cheating can get downplayed into the cloak-and-dagger fun it’s disguised to be, but it’s meant to be seen for the blatant infidelity it really is. When cheating happens, it’s not about the partner women have but rather the partner they feel they no longer have. Thus, a man may be present or accounted for in her life (thus, the status, married, engaged, or in a relationship), but he may not be really, actually there…

What a woman wants is to have that partner and have him be there – not necessarily always, not even half of the time, but in those moments when she needs him the most.
So, if you nurture a desire to get past the cheating, nurture the woman and don’t let her slip away. Know what’s she’s feeling and what she’s contemplating. Is she contemplating on revenge? On infidelity? A divorce? Your break-up?

Or is she contemplating on a happy surprise for you, simply because you’re someone she could never cheat on… not when she has you for a partner in life. For life!